Instead of saying... Try..
"I like the way you..."
saying nothing (and just paying attention)
"Good drawing! I love those pictures!"
describing, rather than evaluating, what you see: "Hey, there's something new on the feet of those people you just drew. They've got toes."
"You're such a great helper!"
explaining the effects of the child's action on other people: "You set the table! Boy, that makes things a lot easier on me while I'm cooking."
"That was a great essay you wrote"
inviting reflection: "How did you come up with that way of grabbing the reader's attention right at the beginning?"
"Good sharing, Michael."
asking, rather than judging: "What made you decide to give some of your brownie to Dierdre when you didn't have to?"
- Alfie Kohn, Unconditional Parenting, p. 157
Adults in the workplace, meanwhile, are most likely to burn out not because they have too much to do but because they don't have enough choice about what it is they're doing.
- Ibid, p. 168
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